Mama's Boy, Preacher's Son
Wow. This morning, Kevin Jennings read an amazing excerpt from his book Mama's Boy, Preacher's Son: A Memoir of Becoming a Man on BookTV. The book is worth buying simply for the description of predictable, rational belt-beatings by dad (number of whacks linked to severity of infraction) versus mom's unpredictable (five whacks to five minutes, who can ever tell?), creative, pick-your-own switch floggings.
But then, add to that the large family, which essentially felt like two families to the siblings involved -- half raised with both parents, half raised after the divorce by a single mom -- plus the fundamental protestantism, and you've got an all too familiar personal history.
While I don't share Kevin's sexual orientation, I do share many of the other aspects of the upbringing he describes, including the seven year old innocent precociousness and being first from a clan to go to college. Selfishly, I find it a bit sad that our society is still so homophobic in general that this will generally dominate the public dialog surrounding the book. Nevertheless, that is today's reality and I cannot possibly praise Kevin enough for this bold work and I am simply awestruck with respect for all that he has overcome in engaging this multi-headed hydra of domestic and social dysfunction in America.
Someday, perhaps, the destructive plague of religious values-driven child beating will "come out of the closet" as well. I am not against spanking, which can be a crucial "negative reinforcement" tool for teaching children to stay out of the street or avoid a hot stove; both of which pose infinitely greater risk of harm than a startling swat on the bottom. Humans are primates, and like any primates, we are trained first for survival, then for thrival. Sorry if you're offended by this, but just like a dog trainer uses both positive and negative reinforcements -- WITHOUT ABUSE -- to produce extraordinarily capable, bright, and happy puppies; so also does parenting consist of selecting and implementing the right incentives and disincentives to raise happy, healthy, socially capable, interdependent human beings.
Please do not misread me, I am absolutely against BEATINGS which pass for "spanking" in the minds of many whom have endured generations of such abuse. Leaving welts on the lower backs and on back of the legs, the result of bringing weapons to bear upon children, is not spanking, it's debilitating physical and psychological abuse.
For those of us who grew up with such norms of abuse; abuse that was justified by the uncompromising moral imperatives of no less than a Loving Almighty God, Himself; it is difficult to comprehend anything else as normal. Nor it is simple to describe the self-limiting cognitive consonance between LOVE and PUNISHMENT; however logically dissonant those concepts.
Tragically, humans generally repeat what we were taught in both method and rationale, and then wonder why our children encounter the exact same developmental disabilities and demons that we ourselves have spent a lifetime hoping to some day exorcise. All of which ought make us the more thankful for brave and brilliant "hell-bound gay little faggots" like Kevin Jennings. Someday, perhaps we can return the favor by helping to further free him from a false sense of accountability to help heal those who would condemn him to the non-existent fiery pits of hell, in Jesus' all-loving name. Then again, knowing all too well myself that god beats the living shit out of those he loves, I'm the last to criticize if it takes a little time.
But then, add to that the large family, which essentially felt like two families to the siblings involved -- half raised with both parents, half raised after the divorce by a single mom -- plus the fundamental protestantism, and you've got an all too familiar personal history.
While I don't share Kevin's sexual orientation, I do share many of the other aspects of the upbringing he describes, including the seven year old innocent precociousness and being first from a clan to go to college. Selfishly, I find it a bit sad that our society is still so homophobic in general that this will generally dominate the public dialog surrounding the book. Nevertheless, that is today's reality and I cannot possibly praise Kevin enough for this bold work and I am simply awestruck with respect for all that he has overcome in engaging this multi-headed hydra of domestic and social dysfunction in America.
Someday, perhaps, the destructive plague of religious values-driven child beating will "come out of the closet" as well. I am not against spanking, which can be a crucial "negative reinforcement" tool for teaching children to stay out of the street or avoid a hot stove; both of which pose infinitely greater risk of harm than a startling swat on the bottom. Humans are primates, and like any primates, we are trained first for survival, then for thrival. Sorry if you're offended by this, but just like a dog trainer uses both positive and negative reinforcements -- WITHOUT ABUSE -- to produce extraordinarily capable, bright, and happy puppies; so also does parenting consist of selecting and implementing the right incentives and disincentives to raise happy, healthy, socially capable, interdependent human beings.
Please do not misread me, I am absolutely against BEATINGS which pass for "spanking" in the minds of many whom have endured generations of such abuse. Leaving welts on the lower backs and on back of the legs, the result of bringing weapons to bear upon children, is not spanking, it's debilitating physical and psychological abuse.
For those of us who grew up with such norms of abuse; abuse that was justified by the uncompromising moral imperatives of no less than a Loving Almighty God, Himself; it is difficult to comprehend anything else as normal. Nor it is simple to describe the self-limiting cognitive consonance between LOVE and PUNISHMENT; however logically dissonant those concepts.
Tragically, humans generally repeat what we were taught in both method and rationale, and then wonder why our children encounter the exact same developmental disabilities and demons that we ourselves have spent a lifetime hoping to some day exorcise. All of which ought make us the more thankful for brave and brilliant "hell-bound gay little faggots" like Kevin Jennings. Someday, perhaps we can return the favor by helping to further free him from a false sense of accountability to help heal those who would condemn him to the non-existent fiery pits of hell, in Jesus' all-loving name. Then again, knowing all too well myself that god beats the living shit out of those he loves, I'm the last to criticize if it takes a little time.
Labels: infective.invective
posted by ftw at 12:11 PM
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